KIDS

Everyone should get along Okay children, quiet down, quiet down Children, I'd like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day His name is Mr. Shady, children quiet down please Brian, don't throw that (shut up) Mr. Shady will be your new substitute while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (he's got aids) Good luck Mr. Shady Hi there little boys and girls Today we're gonna learn how to poison squirrels But first I'd like you to meet my friend Bob, say hi Bob! (hi Bob!) Bob's 30 and still lives with his mom And he don't got a job cause Bob sits at home and smokes pot But his 12-year-old brother looks up to him an awful lot Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot And wait in the parking lot for waitresses off the clock When it's late and the lot gets dark and he can fake like he walks his dog Drag em in the woods and go straight to the chopping block And even if they escape and they got the cops The ladies would all be so afraid they would drop the charge Til one night Miss Stacie went off the job When she felt someone grab her whole face and sids not to talk But Stacey knew it was bob and said knock it off But Bob wouldn't knock it off cause he's crazy and off his rocker Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka You couldn't even take him to Dre's to get Bob a doctor Grabbed Stacey buy the leg as he chopped it off her And dropped it off in the lake for the cops to find her But ever since they day Stacey went off the wand They never found her and Bob still hangs at the waffle diner And that's the story of Bob and his marijuana and what it might do to you So see if the squirrels want it, it's bad for you You see children drugs are bad And if you don't believe me ask your dad And if you don't believe him ask your moms She'll tell you how she does em all the time So kids say no to drugs So you don't act like everyone else does And there's really nothin else to say Drugs are just bad, M'kay My penis is the size of a peanut, have you seen it Fuck no you ain't seen it; it's the size of a peanut Speakin of peanuts, you know what else is bad for squirrels Ecstasy, it's the worst drug in the world If someone ever offers it to ya, don't do it, Kids, two hits will probably drain all of your spinal fluid And spinal fluid is final; you won't get it back So don't get attached, it'll attack every bone in your back Meet Zack, 21 years old, After hangin out with some friends at a frat party he gets bold And decides to try five when he's bribed by five guys And peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it Suddenly, he starts to convulse And his pulse goes into hyperdrive and his eyes role back in his skull His back starts to look like the McDonalds arches He's on Donalds carpet lying horizontal barfing And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him Hey, Adam, Zack is a jackass look at him Cause they took it too so they think it's funny, So they are laughing at basically nothing except wasting their money Meanwhile, Zack's in a comma, reaction is over And his backs and his shoulders crunched up like he's practicing yoga And that's the story of Zack, the ecstasy maniac So don't even feed that to squirrels Zack, cause it's bad for you You see children drugs are bad And if you don't believe me ask your dad And if you don't believe him ask your moms She'll tell you how she does em all the time So kids say no to drugs So you don't act like everyone else does And there's really nothin else to say Drugs are just bad, M'kay Last but not least, one of the most humungous Problems among young people today is fungus It grows from cow manure They pick it up, wipe it off, bag it up And you put it right in your mouth and chew it Yum yum, then you start to see some dumb stuff And everything slows down when you eat some of em And sometimes you see things that aren't there Like fat ladies in g-strings with orange hair Mr. Shady what's a g-string? It's young Claire Women stick em up their behind go out and wear em And if you swallow to much of them magic mushrooms Oop, did I say magic mushrooms, I meant fungus Your tongue gets, all swell up like a cows tongue How come, cause it comes from a cows dump See drugs are bad, it's a common fact But your mom and dad know that's all that I'm good at But don't be me, cause if you grow up and go and OD They gonna come for me and I'm gonna have to grow a goatee And get a disguise and hide, cause it will be my fault So don't do drugs and do exactly as I don't cause I'm bad for you You see children drugs are bad And if you don't believe me ask your dad And if you don't believe him ask your moms She'll tell you how she does em all the time So kids say no to drugs So you don't act like everyone else does And there's really nothin else to say Drugs are just bad, M'kay Cmon children Clap along (shut up) Sing along children (suck my muthafuckin dick) Cmon clap along Drugs are just bad (southpark is gonna sue me) Kick my muthafuckin ass Goddammit, mushrooms killed Kenny I'm so fucked up right now