THE KING OF BROADWAY

I USED TO BE THE KING, THE KING OF OLD BROADWAY, THE BEST OF EV'RYTHING WAS MINE TO HAVE EACH DAY. I ALWAYS HAD THE BIGGEST HITS, THE BIGGEST BATHROOMS AT THE RITZ, MY SHOWGIRLS HAD THE BIGGEST TITS! I NEVER WAS THE PITS IN ANY WAY! WE BELIEVE YOU, THOUSANDS WOULDN'T, WE BELIEVE YOU, EV'RY WORD, WE BELIEVE YOU, THOUSANDS COULDN'T, WE BELIEVE EACH WORD WE'VE HEARD, I USED TO BE THE KING... The King? THE KING OF OLD BROADWAY... It's good to be the king! MY PRAISES THEY WOULD SING, A ZIEGFELD SO THEY'D SAY, MY SHOWS WERE ALWAYS FILLED WITH CLASS, THE BEST CHAMPAGNES WOULD FILL MY GLASS, MY LAP WAS FILLED WITH GORGEOUS ASS! YOU COULDN'T CALL ME CRASS IN ANY WAY! WE BELIEVE YOU, THOUSANDS WOULDN'T, WE BELIEVE YOU, EV'RY WORD, WE BELIEVE YOU, THOUSANDS COULDN'T, WE BELIEVE EACH WORD WE'VE HEARD, THERE WAS A TIME, WHEN I WAS YOUNG AND GAY... But straight, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN I WAS BOLD, THERE WAS A TIME WHEN EACH AND EV'RY PLAY I TOUCHED WOULD TURN TO GOLD. THERE WAS A TIME, HE WORE THE FINEST CLOTHES; HIS SHOES WERE ALWAYS NEW. AHH! NOW I WEAR A RENTED TUX. THAT'S TWO WEEKS OVERDUE! POOR BIALY, WHAY A SHMOOZER, RENTED TUX... POOR BIALY, WHAT A SHAME. OVERDUE... POOR BIALY, WHAT A LOSER, WAY OVERDUE... POOR BIALY, GOOBYE FAME. Such reviews! How dare they insult me in this manner? How quickly they forget. I am Max Bialystock! The first producer ever to do summer stock in the winter! ONCE HE WAS THE KING... You've heard of Theatre in the Round? You're looking at the man who invented Theatre in the Square! Nobody had a good seat! KING OF OLD BROADWAY, I've spent my entire life in the theater, I was a protege of the great Boris Tomaschevski, Ooh! Yes, He taught me everything I know. I'll never forget, he turned to me on his deathbed and said, “Maxella, alle menschen muss zu machen, jeden tug a gantzen kachen!” What does that mean? Who knows? I don't speak Yiddish, Strangely enough, neither did he, But in my heart I knew what he was saying, He was saying, when you're down and out, and everybody thinks you're finished, that's the time to stand up on your two feet and shout, “Who do you have to fuck to get a break in this town?!” Yay! I USED TO BE THE KING THE KING OF OLD BROADWAY, AGAIN I WILL BE KING AND BE ON TOP TO STAY. THERE'LL BE GALA OPENING NIGHTS AGAIN, YOU'LL SEE MY NAME IN LIGHTS AGAIN, I'LL GO FROM DARK TO BRIGHTS AGAIN! MY SPIRITS HIGH AS KITES AGAIN, I'LL NEVER SUFFER SLIGHTS AGAIN, I'LL TASTE THOSE SWEET DELIHTS AGAIN! NO PLETHORA OF PLIGHTS AGAIN, NO BLOSSOMING OF BLIGHTS AGAIN, NO FRANTIC FITS OR FRIGHTS AGAIN! FAME IS IN MY SIGHTS AGAIN, I'LL TAKE THOSE FANCY FLIGHTS AGAIN, I'M GONNA SCALE THE HEIGHTS AGAIN! BIALYSTOCK WILL NEVER DROP, BIALYSTOCK WILL NEVER STOP... BIALYSTOCK WILL BE ON TOP AGAIN FAME IS IN HIS SIGHTS AGAIN HE'LL TAKE THOSE FANCY FLIGHTS AGAIN HE'S GONNA SCALE THE HEIGHTS AGAIN I'LL BE ON TOP AGAIN, HEY! HE'LL BE ON TOP AGAIN, HEY!