BETRAYED

Mail call! Here ya go, Bialystock, ya got a postcard. A postcard? From where? Brazil. Brazil? Who do I know in Brazil? Dear Max, Rio is everything you said it was and more. Ulla and I think of you every chance we get. In the morning, when we have breakfast on our terrace, many different herrings. And in the evening, when we samba together in the moonlight. Sorry, must run, Ulla's waiting, it's almost eleven. Wish you were here, Leo. JUST LIKE CAIN AND ABEL, YOU PULLED A SNEAK ATTACK I THOUGHT THAT WE WERE BROTHERS THEN YOU STABBED ME IN THE BACK! BETRAYED! OH, BOY, I'M SO BETRAYED! LIKE SAMSON AND DELILAH, YOUR LOVE BEGAN TO FADE, I'M CRYING IN THE HOOSEGOW, YOU'RE IN RIO GETTING LAID! BETRAYED! LET'S FACE IT, I'M BETRAYED! BOY, HAVE I BEEN TAKEN, OY, I'M SO FORSAKEN! I SHOULD HAVE SEEN WHAT CAME TO PASS I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN TO WATCH MY ASS! I FEEL LIKE OTHELLO, EV'RYTHING IS LOST, LEO IS IAGO, MAX IS DOUBLE-CROSSED! I'M SO DISMAYED, DID I MENTION I'M BETRAYED?! I USED TO BE THE KING, BUT NOW I AM THE FOOL! A CAPTAIN WITHOUT A SHIP, A RABBI WITHOUT A SHUL! NOW I'M ABOUT TO GOT TO JAIL, THERE'S NO ONE WHO WILL PAY MY BAIL, I HAVE NO ONE WHO I CAN CRY TO, NO ONE I CAN SAY GOODBYE TO. I'm drowning! I'm drowning here! I'm going down for the last time. I see my whole life flashing before my eyes. I see a weathered old farmhouse with a white picket fence. I'm running through fields of alfalfa with my collie, Rex. Stop it, Rex! I see my mother standing on the back porch, in a worn but clean gingham gown, and I hear her calling out to me, “Alvin! Don't forget your chores. The wood needs a-cordin' and the cows need a-milkin'. Alvin, Alvin...” Wait a minute! My name's not Alvin. That's not my life. I'm not a hillbilly. I grew up in the Bronx. Leo's taken everything. Even my past! MY PAST'S A DYING EMBER, BUT WAIT... NOW I REMEMBER. HOW DID IT BEGIN? HE WALKED INTO MY OFFICE WITH HIS COCKAMAMIE SCHEME. YOU CAN MAKE MORE MONEY WITH A FLOP THAN WITH A HIT. “WE CAN DO IT, WE CAN DO IT!” “I CAN'T DO IT!” “WE CAN DO IT!” “I CAN'T DO IT!” GOODBYE, MAX! LORD, I WANT THAT MONEY! I'M BACK, MAX! “COME ON, LEO, WE CAN DO IT!” STEP ONE, FIND THE PLAY! SEE IT, SMELL IT, TOUCH IT, KISS IT, HELLO, MISTER LIEBKIND. “GUTEN TAG, HOP CLOP, GUTEN TAG, HOP CLOP!” ADOLF ELIZABETH HITLER? “GUTEN TAG, HOP CLOP, GUTEN TAG, HOP CLOP!” STEO TWO, HIRE THE DIRECTOR. “KEEP IT GAY, KEEO IT GAY, KEEP IT...” TWO-THREE, KICK, TURN, TURN, TURN, KICK, TRUN ULLA! OOOH WAH-WAH-WOO-WOO WAH-WAH! STEP THREE, RAISE THE MONEY. “ALONG GAME BIALY!” INTERMISSION! STEP FOUR, HIRE ALL THE ACTORS. “A WANDERING MINSTREL I, A THING OF SHREDS AND... NEXT! THE LITTLE WOODEN BOY. NEXT! THAT'S OUR HITLER! “OPENING NIGHT!” GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK, GOOD LUCK! BREAK A LEG! I BROKE MY LEG! “SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER AND GERMANY!” A SURPRISE SMASH! “SPRINGTIME FOR HITLER AND GERMANY!” IT'LL RUN FOR YEARS! “WHERE DID WE GO RIGHT, WHERE DID WE GO RIGHT?” GIMME THOSE BOOKS, FAT, FAT, FATTY! GIMME THOSE BOOKS, FAT, FAT, FATTY! BOOKS, FAT, BOOKS, FAT, BOOKS, FAT, BOOKS, FAT! LOUSY FRUIT, KILL THE ACTORS, YOU EVER EAT WITH ONE?! THEN YOU RAN TO RIO AND YOU'RE SAFELY OUT OF REACH, I'M BEHIND THESE BARS, YOU'RE BANGING ULLA ON THE BEACH! JUST LIKE JULIUS CAESAR WAS BETRAYED BY BRUTUS, WHO'D THINK AN ACCOUNTANT WOULD TURN OUT TO BE MY JUDAS! I'M SO DISMAYED, IS THIS HOW I'M REPAID? TO BE... BETRAYED!! BETRAYED!!