GOING THROUGH CHANGES

I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes... Lately I really, feel like I'm rollin for delf like Philly feel like I'm losin' control of myself, I sincerely apologize if all that I sound like is I'm complainin' but life keeps on complicatin' and, I'm debatin' on leavin' this world this evenin', even my girls can see I'm grievin' I try and hide it but I can't, why do I act like I'm all high and mighty when inside I'm dyin' I am finally realizin' I need help, can't do it myself too weak two weeks I've been havin' ups and downs goin' through peaks and valleys, dilly dallyin' round with the idea of endin' this shit right here I'm hatin' my reflection, I walk around the house tryin' to fight mirrors I can't stand what I look like yeah I look fat, but what do I care?, I give a fuck only thing I fear's Hailie, I'm afraid if I close my eyes that I might see her shit... I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes... I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom nappin' at noon yeah dad's in a bad mood, he's always snappin' at you Marshall, what happened that you can't stop with these pills and you fallin' off with yer skills and your own fans are laughin' at you? It become a problem you're too pussy to tackle get up, be a man stand, a real man would have had this shit handled (I) know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed they say Proof just flipped out, homie just whipped out and bust nah, it ain't like Doody to do that, he wouldn't fuckin shoot at, nobody he'd fight first but dwellin' on it only makes the night worse now I'm poppin' Vic's, Perc's and Methadone pills, “Yeah Em tight verse you killed it” fuckin' drug dealers hang around me like yes men and they gon' do whatever I says when I says it, it's in their best interest to protect their investment and I just lost my fuckin' best friend, so fuck it I guess then... I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes... Don't know what I'm gonna do but I just keep on goin' through changes... My friends can't understand this new me, that's understandable man but think how bananas you'd be, you'd be an animal too, if you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo and everybody's lookin' at you what you want me to do? I'm starting to live like a recluse and the truth is, fame's startin' to give me an excuse to be at a, all time low I sit alone in my home theater watchin' the same damn DVD of the first tour, the last tour he was still alive and it hurts so I, fast forward sleepin' pills will make me feel alright and if I'm still awake in the middle of the night I'll just take a couple more, yeah you're mother fuckin' right I ain't slowin' down for no one, I am almost homeward bound almost in a coma yeah, homie come on dole ‘em out daddy don't you die on me, daddy better hold your ground fuck, don't I know the sound of that voice, yeah baby hold me down. I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes... Don't know what I'm gonna do but I just keep on goin' through changes... Wake up in the hospital, full of tubes, but somehow I'm pulling through swear when I come back I'ma be bullet proof I'ma do it just for Proof, I think I should state a few facts cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth shit. it just hit me that what if I would not have made it through? I think about the things I would have never got to say to you I'd never get to make it right, so here's what I came to do Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too I still love your mother that'll never change, think about her every day we just could never get it together hey wish there was a better way for me to say it but I swear on everythang I'll do anythang for her on any day there are just too many thangs to explain, when it rains, guess it pours, yes it does, wish there wasn't any pain but I can't pretend there ain't, I ain't placin' any blame, I ain't pointin' fingers heaven knows I've never been a saint I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history, and just today I looked at your picture almost if to say “I miss you” subconsciously, wish it didn't end this way but I just had to get away don't know why, I don't know what else to say I guess I'm... I'm going through changes, I'm going through changes... Don't know what I'm gonna do but I just keep on goin' through changes...